what is wrong with people who dont comment?

No comments on my short story Martian? I guess only trivial stuff gets people commenting. Fuck you brainless tweets.

conversation topics that will win your guy over

1). discuss physical ailments, even if you have to make them up. the more visceral, the better. after all, he doesn't want to think your squeamish or prissy. go on and tell him that there is a varicose vein in your left thigh that's been there since you were 12. tell him that you like to pick at your face and bite your nails. this will make him think that you have a sexual appetite, because after all, don't nervous women have a lot of pent up energy for sex? explain how your snoring could wake up all the inmates at a state penitentiary. this way, he'll know you have a sense of humor and aren't shy about his bodily imperfections. last, drool a little on his shoulder so he doesn't suspect that you aren't making this stuff up to win his approval.

2). make sure your date feels stupid and inadequate. you want them to realize how inferior they are to you. speak in technical lingo. use big vocabulary words. talk about how you can fix computers. all you have to know is just a little bit, and your date will be all over you. make sure they get that dazed expression in their eyes that shows they are bored. after all, if you can bore them, it's proof that you must be good at your job and are going places.

3). tell as many casual stories about your exes as you can. this is crucial, because you want to reveal some of your flaws so they don't think you are too perfect. a clean slate will get you nowhere. you need an instant history with this person instead. you want your date to see you as a challenge, so make sure you blurt out as many of your past dating foibles as you can. this will make them feel they have to overcome your past history, and they will try harder to win you over by trying to avoid doing what your exes did. be explicit about the sexual stuff so that they feel they aren't as good in bed. now you will have an automatic advantage with them at the get-go for as many free sexual favors until you want to let them think they've won a little bit of your approval. get them addicted to needing your approval, and they will never let you down.

4).if you are a girl, talk about nails and girly things. if you are a guy, talk about sports nonstop. you want to appear feminine/masculine. this is such an ambiguous culture, that people really need stereotypes to balance out all the confusion. if you are a policewoman, tone it down. wear pink and talk about how you want to buy a poodle. if you are a guy, act extra macho. be insensitive and make all the choices for her.

5). make a choice. either stick to dull topics or stick to exciting topics. if you don't want to be dull, so talk about ax murderers, rapists, suicide, abortion. pretend to be somebody you aren't, and then make fun of them for not noticing that you weren't acting like yourself. or, talk about what you did that day in excruciating detail. either way, you should get some kind of reaction or response. it's better than sitting there awkwardly, batting your eyelashes and waiting for the other person to create familiarity between the two of you.

6). bring up all the people your date has never met, and see how much they can retain. don't worry, they won't judge you based on your opinions of the people you talk about because he or she will be too busy worrying if he or she stacks up to the other people in your life. exaggerate your flaws so that you will seem animated. if you hate somebody, become almost violent. if you love somebody, break into poetry. they will appreciate how different you are from all their other dates.

7). talk about your pet. a lot. talk about everything that people tell you not to talk about. otherwise, you will appear boring. why do so many experts on dating not end up married? because they read stupid magazines that tell them to do the right things. the right things are just what societal trends are, and societal trends right now show that most people aren't in good, happy, loving relationships. so buy as many of those magazines that say "this is what to do on the date" and do the exact opposite.

8). bring up what your view is on sexuality. if you avoid this, your date will think you are being pretentious.

9). don't try to win, and don't try to hide your flaws. display them proudly, and see if any fireworks happen. and don't spend too much time observing their flaws. it will ruin all the fun.

10). don't speak badly of your family. also, pick a culture you relate to, study it, and pretend to identify with its habits. your date will find this refreshing and cool, because like most people out there, they are probably feeling lost, with a mixture of beliefs that are as eclectic as they are spanish, irish, english, french, and russian. they will find the fact that you have a cultural identity very comforting.


Final Thought:

break the rules at any time to change it up. be impulsive, and then suddenly be obsessed with sticking to a plan.